april 2025 wrap up
i'm publishing another book!!!
first, an announcement:
i am publishing a contemporary horror novella titled YOU JUST HAVE TO ASK ME next year with union square & co! this is my first novella, my first horror, and a book i wrote when i was in a writing slump after writing my sequel and truly unsure if i still knew how to write a book. my best friend suggested i take a short break from fantasy and do something shorter and less intimidating, just to prove to myself that i could, in fact, string words together into a cohesive narrative with an actual ending. and so this book emerged, quite quickly, from the kernel of an idea that’s always fascinated me: what would it really feel like to be left at the altar, betrayed by the person you love most, humiliated in front of your friends and family? and what could the sheer ugliness of that betrayal summon?
it’s been a strange journey getting here. i wrote this book in 2024, went on sub with my former agent, and watched the novella die on sub. i signed with my new agent in january of 2025. we reached out to a publisher from my last submission round who had hinted at being interested in a revise & resubmit, so i met with them and took some time to revise, resubmitted, and waited, only to to be rejected. we then went out on submission again and got a lot of immediate rejections simply because most publishers do not publish novellas. but then, within days of emailing her the manuscript, my union square editor mika reached out to say she had absolutely adored the novella and was interested in publishing it, and she didn’t think it needed major revisions (after years of having done nothing but revise old projects, this was like serotonin being injected directly into my veins). i was thrilled, and so honored by her enthusiasm. i’m so happy my first foray into horror — which, really, was my first love before fantasy — has found such a wonderful home.
and now, onto the wrap-up!
anime (& 1 live-action);
psycho pass (s1);
i rarely watch cyberpunk, but i got into psycho pass specifically because i kept seeing it come up on all kinds of best anime villains list. since i love a good villain (esp one voiced by takahiro sakurai), i knew i had to watch it, so last november (!) i started it, and i just finished it this month. indeed, shogo makishima is a fantastic villain! i think he is one of the best parts of psycho pass. the rest was…a bit disappointing.
well, okay, let me back up: the show starts off very strong. we follow akane, a newly minted police officer living in a society where, essentially, thought crimes can get you arrested. people are assessed on their “psycho pass” a score calculated by the sibyl system (a kind of supercomputer) that determines how likely they are to commit violence, along with a few other things. this score also determines a lot of other things about their lives, such as where they will work. the first episode starts off very strong, establishing that people’s psycho pass can be heavily influenced by traumatic experiences or harm committed against them. so off the get go, we’re seeing the flaws in this supposedly flawless system. we’re also introduced to “enforcers” or latent criminals, people who…have a high psycho pass marking them as potential criminals but who also are skilled enough to be detectives. it’s weird and i didn’t entirely swallow the premise, but it’s meant to set up a parallel between one specific enforcer and the villain of the show.
so, strong start, with lots of intrigue, a great cast of characters (also props to his show for having the only on-screen adult lesbian women i’ve seen in anime that isn’t explicitly a GL), and grisly crime. then, about halfway through, there is a reveal about how the sibyl system actually works, and things go sideways, because it’s a bad reveal. it’s extremely silly, it doesn’t really make sense with the worldbuilding we’ve already been given, and forces the viewer to think about a lot of logistical questions that we weren’t thinking about.
because the thing is, the crux of the show isn’t really the sibyl system and how it works; it’s about how people respond to the sibyl system and the rigid control it enforces. that’s what shogo makishima’s philosophy is all about: he is rioting against a system he believes strips people of their individuality and free will. he is convinced the sibyl system is leading to alienation and dearth of community. like any good villain, he has the right ideas, but he goes about creating change through very violent means. he’s a great villain. i wish the show had continued to delve more into his philosophies and strategies.
the show also really really wants us to see shogo and kogami, an enforcer, as two sides of the same coin, but it doesn’t really work, because there’s just not enough history between the two, and they only really have two or three scenes together. it feels contrived and kind of silly, by the end, to explicitly state to the viewer that these two men are destined , because no, they really aren’t at all, except for a shared tendency towards literature and philosophy. it’s such a forced parallel and while i always appreciate a black-haired/white-haired foil in anime, this one just didn’t live up to its own promises.
i would still absolutely recommend this anime, though, and there are actually so many scenes with shogo i want to rewatch so that i can have a better grasp of his philosophy, because while he had many good points, he also had some very weird ones about the true nature of humanity.
in the clear moonlit dusk;
bro, when i saw the trailer for this anime, i was vibrating with excitement. a hot white-haired lead, a girl perceived as a guy, potential for interesting explorations of gender…but alas, this anime ended up being extremely mid. first, something is off with the animation, and i can’t quite put my finger on it — it’s not quite bad, but it’s awkward. there were like…shallow nods to potential gender stuff, but not really in any meaningful way. (also, this is a minor point, but it drove me crazy that no one ever asks yoi why she keeps hair hair short like a boy, or even mentions it — does she do this on purpose to fit in with her image? does she do it because she thinks it’s futile to try to look like a girl? does she do it because she just likes how it looks and refuses to try to fit in? having a girly hairstyle would obviously help with how she’s perceived, so…what?? what is she thinking?? why is this never explored?)
my main issue, though, is that yoi generally drove up up the wall. like, i get that she’s a high school girl navigating her first romantic relationship, but my god, the shyness, low self-esteem, hesitancy, and constant blushing made for a frustrating watch. i thought the lead in the fragrant flower blooms with dignity was timid, but wow, compared to yoi, kaoroku is actually a breath of fresh air. because of this i couldn’t really understand or believe in the relationship, because we almost never don’t see her and the male lead having normal conversations where she isn’t a nervous mess.
so, unfortunately, i mostly enjoyed the bits of the anime when yoi wasn’t around. the male lead, kohaku, has an unending amount of rizz that makes him really interesting to watch, and he’s got a great dynamic with his guy friends. yoi’s friends are also bubbly and fun. yoi’s father, voiced by kenjiro tsuda of all people (nanami kento’s voice actor!!), and yoi’s co-worker, oji, and yoi’s sister, feel so much more like real people than she does, which is such a shame, because she could have been a fantastic character. i might read the manga, though, because i’m curious what direction it’s going to go and if yoi is ever going to gain some confidence.
my love story with yamada kun at lv999;
if you had told me at the start of this month that i would enjoy my love story with yamada kun at lv 999 more than in the clear moonlit dusk, i would have laughed in your face. i started this show purely on a whim, because the title was so ridiculous that i thought this was one of those really silly male-gazey anime with lots of fanservice. instead, i got a really really sweet love story that incorporates video games!
the premise is: akane is dumped by her longtime boyfriend for a girl he met online in the same video game that akane started playing to get closer to him. she then runs into yamada, an FPS pro player she’s encountered in her MMO game before, and — i wouldn’t quite say they hit it off, but akane somehow ends up drinking with him and he carries her to his house because she’s blackout drunk. from there, they become friends, and, eventually, admit their feelings for one another.
it’s such a sweet and funny and cozy little anime, with a cute cast of side characters (i love momo and eita). i genuinely did not think i would like it so much but i ended up finishing it way faster than anticipated and it gave me so much joy. i will definitely be continuing on with the manga!
kamisama kiss;
so i’ve been meaning to watch kamisama kiss for years now, even before my second anime wave, because it’s such a popular shojo. i see it everywhere and it always comes highly recommended, so i was very surprised when the first episode actively turned me off. it was just so anime, and it felt too much even for me (and i have a super high tolerance for anime humor), and i honestly wasn’t sure if i was going to keep watching. however, i always like to watch at least 2-3 episodes of a new anime, because a lot of the time they mellow out after the pilot episode.
well, i don’t know if i can say kamisama kiss mellowed out, necessarily, but somewhere around the third episode, i found myself having a great time. i couldn’t even tell you why. this show’s a wacky mix of inuyasha and noragami stray god with a sprinkling of ouran vibes, and it’s very old-school and very silly but also nostalgic and super cozy. i didn’t love the second season as much as the first, because it felt more scattered, but i’ve since learned that the anime is not the best adaptation out there, and i’m now tempted to read the manga, and i’m on the lookout for shows similar to this (like kakuriyo bed and breakfast for spirits) so let me know if you have recs!
the other world’s books depend on the bean counter;
also known as isekai office worker, this is a very low-stakes show with a wild premise. our main guy gets sucked to another world accidentally when trying to save the girl who was actually being summoned. he discovers he has a low tolerance for the world’s magic and can only be healed through physical — specifically sexual — contact. he ends up hooking up with one of the knights, who, though presented initially as aloof, turns out to be a hardcore simp.
it was as fun and wacky as the premise makes it out to be, although with such a crazy premise i was frankly shocked that all the sex scenes were fade to black lmao. anyway this reminded me of the only other isekai i’ve watched (may i ask for one final thing) in that the worldbuilding doesn’t really make sense and things felt way too serious for what the show was, but i liked the two main characters and their dynamic, though i do think we were sorely lacking scenes of them actually communicating about said bizarre dynamic. generally everything felt superficial, but definitely a great turn-your-brain-off show.
twilight out of focus;
this was a delight; it’s a super sweet slice-of-life romance about a film club and their romantic entanglements. i thought the relationships were all really sweet and compelling and i had such a good time watching this. i don’t have too much else to say about it but i highly recommend it if you’re looking for something that’s just Nice.
banana fish;
and now to veer to the other end of the spectrum…banana fish is a harrowing, devastating crime thriller that delves deep into themes of sexual trauma and abuse (in hindsight, binging all 24 episodes in a single day was probably a bad idea). rape is such a prevalent theme here, which made this a really difficult watch most of the time, and the ending devastated me so much i actually legitimately sobbed. banana fish is known for setting the stage for other BLs; though the anime adaptation by mappa aired in 2018, the manga ran from 1985-1994 (as a shojo, which astonished me). it’s one of those BLs where the relationship is only heavily implied rather than actualized between the two main characters of ash and eiji. there is so much scholarship out there about banana fish and its depictions of homoeroticism (amongst the minor characters as well as the main characters) and i’m intrigued to read more. ash lynx, the main protagonist, is a deeply, deeply tragic character with a gutting story, but i was also extremely compelled by yut lung, who is in many ways a foil for ash.
given;
another anime that devastated me, though in a quieter way (it also happens to be a well-known BL). given’s sadness is more grounded than banana fish’s; it depicts a budding relationship between two young boys and their love of music, only one of them is grieving the tragic and traumatic death of his first love. the way given uses music and flashback and memory to convey the depth of mafuyu’s grief and trauma really just hit me in the solar plexus again and again and again. but given is also about recovering from grief and finding new love and it’s quite beautiful in its depiction of new relationships. i also loved all the side couples (who show up in the movies), and was particularly fascinated by ugetsu, who i suppose is the closest thing this show has to an antagonist: an ambitious violinist who sabotages his own relationship for his music, but refuses to let go of his ex. though not a particularly kind person to his partners, i very much enjoyed his complexity, and really loved how he played the role of mentor to mafuyu, the one person to whom he seemed inclined to show genuine kindness (truly, if the writer ever wanted to do a spin-off following ugetsu, i would be her first reader). also some truly banger songs on this show, i’ve been hearing about given for years and i’m so glad i finally watched it.
love begins in the world of if;
a super short (six episodes, 24 mins each) BL series about an office worker who enters a parallel universe and learns how to change his life for the better, while falling in love. this was so freaking cute, the two main actors were both very attractive and talented, and overall this was a much needed palette cleanser after the harrowing experience that was banana fish.
film;
i watched 11 movies in april (find me on letterboxd), but i’m only going to mention the four that stuck with me:
angel’s egg (5/5 stars): usually this is precisely the sort of incomprehensible movie i would hate but i loved it instead. gorgeously animated and so evocative, this feels so rich with ideas yet to be explored and the overall vibe of it felt so nostalgic and eerie. can’t wait to watch it again.
dune (3/5 stars): i FINALLY watched this and i simply cannot get over timothee chalamet, i fear. this was a really well-made production with some great cinematography and made me kind of interested in reading the books.
the drama (4/5 stars): this is THE film of the year apparently and i loved it. does a spectacular job of building tension throughout and i’m intrigued by all the thought it has generated. my opinion falls right in line with everything tell the bees says in this post about the film.
best wishes to all (3.5/5 stars): one of those horror movies that is more about ideas and vibes than logic, and that is definitely to its detriment, but it does the vibes just so well and has incredible cinematography as well, so i was riveted, even if i also had like 17 different logistical questions that i’m pretty sure the filmmakers have no answers for.
books;
when i got back into anime i held off getting back into manga for a long time because i knew it would be a slippery slope for me; i read TONS of manga back in high school and middle school, way more than i watched anime, and so i knew if i got back into it, it would mean i would read way less novels, but…well, the heart wants what it wants. so i read a bunch of shojo manga this month, and i…was violently reminded of just how much i love manga. the only two novels i read were audiobooks because my brain just has not been able to sit down and read properly, but i hope to change that next month.
love that’s an understatement (vol 1-7) by fujimomo
choking on love (vol 1-7) by keiko iwashita
the guy she was interested in wasn’t a guy at all (vol 1-2) by sumiko arai
fall in love you false angels (vol 1-2) by coco uzuki
funny story by emily henry
this story might save your life by tiffany crum
other bits & bobs;
the way i don’t think i read a single article this month…
i kind of have a hankering to start learning piano? of course, i don’t have a piano, and i don’t even know if i have an ear for music (i tried once before in middle school to learn piano and couldn’t even tell the difference between notes) but this is a thing that has been on my mind on and off since january so we shall see
cheers,
hadeer